So Beautiful, it Hurts

Life is slow, luxuriously satisfying and easy.  I am blissful, content and joyful.  I am also in intense pain as my body tries to turn itself inside out with intense muscle spasms.  I find it impossibly funny that when everything in my life looks like it should be horrible, I’m finding delight in the fact that my new wheelchair can zoom and I haven’t moved this fast in years.  I hardly ever leave the house because I hurt too much.  I can barely carry on a conversation without writhing in pain and needing to take breaks to disappear into the ever soothing silence and yet I am at peace.  I have food, shelter, care, beauty and a fantastic love life.  There is immediacy, an invitation to stay present even more compelling than a great vacation.   There is a simplicity and beauty I would love to capture and share, like capturing a beautiful sunrise in a painting, but this beauty must be tasted, known from the inside out.  I can’t capture it in words or pictures and hand it to someone and expect them to understand.  We all have the capacity to taste an orange, but no amount of words or pictures can actually convey the experience of eating an orange, the burst of sweetness and tartness. 

One of the hardest things right now is being so happy and seeing so many others discontent and unhappy.   I have lots of time to surf the net and see how much the world revolves around fear.  Economics, entertainment and health care all revolve around fear.   It doesn't have to be this way.  It is not the truth, it is merely the distorted way we view the world.  We have the ability to creatively meet each moment with joy.  We can drop all the impediments to seeing and knowing that we worked so hard to build when we were utterly convinced our lives depended on the strength and attractiveness of the walls we meet the world with.  Inside we know, we just don’t believe we know and we don’t take the time to listen.  We believe what we need is outside of us and we must struggle to get it if it’s good and fight it off if it’s bad, but it is much more mysterious than that.  Is there another way?  Is it true that you actually do know?  It is only the curiosity to look that can take you there.  Can you face the truth of how you really feel and drop the real questions deep into your being and be still enough to hear the answers and brave enough to listen?