Life is slow, luxuriously satisfying and easy. I am blissful, content and joyful. I am also in intense pain as my body tries to
turn itself inside out with intense muscle spasms. I find it impossibly funny that when
everything in my life looks like it should be horrible, I’m finding delight in
the fact that my new wheelchair can zoom and I haven’t moved this fast in
years. I hardly ever leave the house
because I hurt too much. I can barely
carry on a conversation without writhing in pain and needing to take breaks to
disappear into the ever soothing silence and yet I am at peace. I have food, shelter, care, beauty and a
fantastic love life. There is immediacy,
an invitation to stay present even more compelling than a great vacation. There is a simplicity and beauty I would
love to capture and share, like capturing a beautiful sunrise in a painting,
but this beauty must be tasted, known from the inside out. I can’t capture it in words or pictures and
hand it to someone and expect them to understand. We all have the capacity to taste an orange,
but no amount of words or pictures can actually convey the experience of eating
an orange, the burst of sweetness and tartness.
One of the hardest things right now is being so happy and
seeing so many others discontent and unhappy. I have lots of time to surf the net and see
how much the world revolves around fear.
Economics, entertainment and health care all revolve around fear. It doesn't have to be this way. It is not
the truth, it is merely the distorted way we view the world. We have the ability to creatively meet each
moment with joy. We can drop all the
impediments to seeing and knowing that we worked so hard to build when we were
utterly convinced our lives depended on the strength and attractiveness of the
walls we meet the world with. Inside we
know, we just don’t believe we know and we don’t take the time to listen. We believe what we need is outside of us and
we must struggle to get it if it’s good and fight it off if it’s bad, but it is
much more mysterious than that. Is there
another way? Is it true that you
actually do know? It is only the
curiosity to look that can take you there.
Can you face the truth of how you really feel and drop the real questions
deep into your being and be still enough to hear the answers and brave enough
to listen?
