Lituya and Katmai
Alaska
U.S.A.
2014
He made it to the moon
He promised to wait
SHe did

The Other

Alive, the world embraces me and I am drawn into the mystery of myself.

Every movement reveals aspects I never knew.

A kaleidoscope of colors, sounds and scents forming patterns redolent with meaning, swirling, evaporating, dissolving into oneness before emerging,

Penetrating and poignant, vivid, unique and overarching.

The patterns form, coalesce and converge into clarity.

A brief flash as they slip through my grasp.

I am moved, I cannot resist.

Clarity gives way to confusion and the magnitude of what I do not understand sweeps over me.

I am dissolved, made new, changed yet again.

Silence

Sometimes I seek the silence, sinking into stillness, resting.

But at times the silence seeks me, pulling me into the depths,

Breathing subsides,  darkness demands my presence, compels my surrender.

I drown, drifting in the currents until I am released.

I am here, returned to this simple moment that just is,

Moved and held by wholeness,

Breathless in the beauty, humbled to the core.

Tulips Transcended

Silence waits with expectant hush for darkness to descend,

Transforming trios transcend the embrace of earth and water.

Curiosity and compassion conquer cowardice.

Stillness settles.

Home.

Circe climbs to the top; she stops.

I watch from the door, my feet on the floor

I open the door.

Slowly she climbs down and flows into me,

Briefly.

Mesmerized, she turns and climbs again. I watch and let go,

Now that I know how to be.

Life

Life is spirit playing with matter and energy to create form.  Trees, babies, songs, poems, dances, cities and gardens.  The only mistake we can make is to believe that anything could not be how it is.  As long as it is real, it is unlimited.  Why not make it beautiful?

Spirit can also be understood as the power of love.

Dancing Into Death and Hence Life

Rebecca's blog post today, Dancing to Completion, stirred my thoughts about dying and hence about living.  Last week as the release of toxins, triggered by the drug I am taking to clear them, stressed my heart enough to make breathing difficult, my pulse race and my legs swell, dying felt like a very real possibility.  It is interesting to face the reality of dying.  In the past such musings have been speculative.   When the reality feels immanent, the question deepens.

In the early days of the pain escalating, I was blessed to discover that there was peace and even joy if I stayed present, surrendering to the deepest part of me to sustain my well being.  I felt no fear of death.  In fact I was envious when someone else simply died; I felt the burden of being sentenced to a long life of endless pain.

This recent reflection convinced me that I am whole, there is nothing unfinished, nothing that I need to do.  But as I contemplated that I might suddenly  be released from the pain, the preciousness of life flamed up and sadness overwhelmed me.  The opportunity to love is worth whatever the price.  Life on this planet and all the beautiful beings who share it glowed with heart wrenching beauty.   I am choosing life and that choice feels eternal, whatever happens next.

Leonard Cohen's song "Going Home" captures the spirit of knowing "I do not have a burden", I have been burnished clean and the next steps I take will be "without the costume that I wore".

As I was finishing the draft of this piece an angel in the form of Sharon Stussman appeared at my door and introduced me to Ceres Community Project and now I know my physical stamina will be returning to me.  My life, every aspect of it, prepared me to help make this happen in Humboldt County.   

The opportunity to love just showed up.

Floating Free

The ship of my life foundered on the rocks

The heavy timbers groaned and gave way

Wreakage flowing to the sea

I float free, a leaf swirling, dancing in the current.

Again, Rebecca took the words and this time not only responded with a drawing, but with several.  The first tries were vivid bright colors, reflective of excitement and joy and while freedom can be that, they somehow felt too bright, too shiny.  When she sent me this one I knew she had understood perfectly and had captured the subtle sense that I hadn't quite acknowledged.  Seeing her drawing I understood that this freedom is very tender yet, the dance is only a slow swirl and depends on the water for movement.  My body has much healing to do and I must flow as I am taken.  How lovely to have a friend who can reveal my truth to me beyond what I can see myself.